drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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