It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
