I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize