They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
