Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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