i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
