my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
