i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
