I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
