You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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