I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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