So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
