Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
