Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
