ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
