Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
