i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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