i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
