I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
