Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
