I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
