he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
