Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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