Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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