I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
