areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize