So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
