is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
