oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
