All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
