Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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