I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it's like iHOP with fire
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
