there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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