I accidentally burped into my bong.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
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I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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