kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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