Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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