The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
