and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
