I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
