If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
