so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
