I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
