Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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