Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Randomize
