On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I skipped work to stalk him.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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