Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
