Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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