Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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