See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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