I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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