Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize