I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
