Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
