My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
