Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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