walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
