omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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