this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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