Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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