My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I would ride that face into the sunset
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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