I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
