So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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