jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
