I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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