with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
