i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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