Apparently you make a good broom.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
