What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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