Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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