I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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