Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
